Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   You know your house is dirty when people wipe their feet when they are leaving.

   Sometimes I think sharks eat people just so they can be on tv.

   Most people wake up feeling like a million bucks, me? I wake up feeling like insufficient funds.

   Ironically, the people you meet by accident are often the ones who become an important part of your life

   Want people to leave you alone this fall? Tuck in your sweater.

   It is a truth universally acknowledged that if two people are at Home Depot one of them is pissed about it.

   Married people be like: [Quarantine, day 10] It’s been 89 days since I last had sex

   I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.

   If our children don't learn cursive, how will they ever be able to read those inspirational tattoos people put on their ribs?

   Every date is the first date if you get black out drunk every time.

   There's a few people that I wouldn't mind haveing installed on my driveway as speed bumps..

   Only in a Volkswagen bus does it take 20 extra minutes to get gas after being stopped by people who wanted to reminisce about their Glory Days!

   I'm like a semicolon; most people don't know what to do with me.

   For all you people worrying about toilet paper, you could use your finger. You would be more likely to wash your hands, and less likely to touch your face. Hope this helps...

   When people say; I was thinking, Most weren't really.

   Until this recent Facebook trend I would have never guessed how many people were behind me in line with a gun under their shirt..

   The number of weeks sisnce giving up coffee is directly proportional to the number of people I've wanted to stab.

   So, if 4 out of 5 people suffer some medical condition, does that mean the other 1 person enjoys it?

   Beginning to think that all of these people giving pro tips aren't actually experts in their respective fields.

   A snake can shed its skin, but it will always be a snake. Remember that before allowing people back into your life.