Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 122 of 6384
Having a non stick pan with a sticker stuck on it saying non stick pan is one of the reasons I don’t think humans deserve control over earth
←Rate |
01-09-2019 01:37
Comments (1)
If my dog has taught me anything it's if you're tired just lie down anywhere
←Rate |
05-05-2019 13:04
Comments (0)
Grandpa: In my day we worked three times as hard. Me: In your day soda contained cocaine.
←Rate |
06-01-2019 19:22
Comments (0)
Cable guys was just in my neighborhood, asked me what time it was.. I said between 8am-1pm..
←Rate |
06-24-2019 15:41 by SEAN
Comments (0)
Epstein likes his women like he likes his scotch. 12 years old with coke.
←Rate |
07-13-2019 23:07
Comments (0)
Get rid of the "quality check" section on the Domino's pizza tracker. I know what I'm getting myself into here.
←Rate |
08-08-2019 06:11
Comments (0)
If you use the term “butt hurt” a lot, no need for the rainbow sticker. We already know.
←Rate |
11-18-2017 05:19
Comments (1)
I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.
←Rate |
04-06-2017 09:49
Comments (0)
I wish people in this world would put as much effort into earning respect as they do demanding it.
←Rate |
07-20-2017 08:41
Comments (0)
The far right and the far left are both extremes and should be condemned equally.
←Rate |
11-17-2017 05:14
Comments (0)
I stubbed my toe on a chair and became Kanye west for two minutes
←Rate |
12-14-2017 05:02
Comments (0)
What a shock! ..Got a letter in the mail that read "If you ever want to see you're wife alive again, leave $50,000 in unmarked bills in the trash can on Chester Blvd". Seriously, does no one know the difference between "your" and "you're" anymore?
←Rate |
01-16-2018 10:35 by MDS
Comments (0)
I changed the audio of my GPS to a man's voice. Now it just says "It's around here somewhere. Keep driving for a little while."
←Rate |
01-25-2018 20:43
Comments (0)
Some of the best decisions I've ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send
←Rate |
01-26-2018 05:06
Comments (0)
Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?
←Rate |
04-14-2018 19:54
Comments (0)
When a man says he'll do anything for a woman, he means slay dragons and rescue her from castle towers. Not wash dishes and clean out the basement.
←Rate |
04-05-2017 12:18
Comments (1)
When I'm in a good mood I act like I'm I'm in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
A psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.
←Rate |
09-02-2017 15:48
Comments (0)
some of these jokes are funny some are corny, but it is sure better than hate that some of you idiots post
←Rate |
10-09-2019 06:47
Comments (0)
I swear we are fighting two pandemics Covid 19 and Stupidity.