Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 120 of 6384
Life Lesson: Never ever, ever do anything you wouldn't want to explain to a nurse in a busy ER.🐿️
Hooter girls may be hot, but Subway girls are real wife material.
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03-31-2017 07:30
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Actually I don't think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.
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04-17-2018 11:09 by markf
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ME: “We have a problem, the liquor store is closed.” HER: “That's ok, I don’t drink.” ME: “Ok we have two problems.”
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05-14-2018 14:47
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Just swallowed a probiotic with a vodka tonic in case anyone is looking for a health coach.
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06-12-2018 02:18
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My son screamed like a little girl when he saw a spider so no paternity test was needed.
Just bought a new picture frame to hang a photo in my wall that came with a stock photo of a really beutiful family that reminds me of a lot of my facebook friends, who I dont know either.
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07-31-2018 15:13
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You laugh at my fanny pack until you need some damn ibuprofen
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08-02-2018 22:57
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Her: "Let's watch a good horror movie tonight!" Me: "OK!" **Breaks out wedding video** And that's when the fight started...
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10-20-2018 17:47
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Today's tip of the Day: When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn’t doing the same thing.
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11-01-2018 06:33
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Website: We use cookies to improve performance. Me: Same
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10-18-2019 06:54
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Dove chocolate tastes way better than their soap.
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12-03-2019 15:12
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My Uber driver is acting weird. He is wearing a mask and making me ride in the trunk. 1 star.
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02-04-2020 10:52
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My neighbors hate me because I still haven't taken my Groundhog Day decorations down.
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02-08-2020 08:47
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Which fast food place has the softest napkins? Asking for a friend.
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03-20-2020 13:36
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The person who said "One person can't change the world" obviously never ate an under-cooked bat.
I hate to brag but strangers were spraying me with Lysol before this all started.
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04-01-2020 09:26
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If you are here for the yodeling lesson, please form an orderly orderly orderly queue.
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05-19-2020 06:45
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Crayons are a lot like M & M's, all the colors taste the same.
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07-20-2020 16:12
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I've heard a lot about Karen lately but what about Felicia. Did she finally leave?
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07-30-2020 11:10
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