Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 117 of 6384
How do you people have the time to hate a stranger on the internet?
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06-20-2018 02:39
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If smartphones existed in the 80's, most of us would have a parole officer.
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06-22-2018 22:01
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What’s it called when your hard work doesn’t pay off?
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07-06-2018 02:19
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Appearing on several episodes of Cops doesn't make you a TV star.
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07-17-2018 02:04 by Jake
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I know there are idiot Savants, but are there Savant idiots ?.. Because lately stupid people sure do think they are smart !
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07-21-2018 18:36
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Don't come to me for advice.. we'll end up buying a bottle.
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08-03-2018 10:55
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Maybe it's the washer and not the dryer that steals the socks.
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08-03-2018 15:46 by Ha.ha
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Why are Zoey and Zoe pronounced the same way but Joey and Joe aren't?
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08-07-2018 10:32
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Business plan :
1. hold sign that says "free hugs"
2. Whisper during the hug, "it's $50 to let go"
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08-23-2018 18:32 by Stevielea
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My boss wants to send me for training in Time Management. Yeah. Like I'm supposed to fit that into my already overloaded schedule.
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09-05-2018 07:22
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A new study says we should change how we feed cows so they don't produce so much of the greenhouse gas methane. First up, they recommend eliminating taco night.
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09-10-2018 06:45
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Somebody needs to start a dating site based on Netflix viewing compatibility.
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09-10-2018 06:50
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If the best things in life are free, why am I still charged when I go to the liquor store?
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10-11-2018 14:16
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Young people will wait longer in a self-scan isle at the grocery store so they don’t have to deal with humans, but old people will wait longer in a regular lane so they don’t have to deal with computers.
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10-24-2018 06:56
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You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn't come back, all you've lost is a regular pigeon.
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10-24-2018 14:00
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Imagine the disappointment if a wolf knew its descendant would be a pug. That's how your grandpa feels when he sees your man bun.
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10-26-2018 12:17
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I was Christmas shopping for a friend's daughter... I asked what she was into and he said "anything Frozen" So, I got her a bag of peas and some pizza rolls.
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10-26-2018 15:59
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Why do baby clothes have pockets ?
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11-08-2018 04:05 by Corious
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That concludes the Time Travelers Club meeting, see you all last month.
Who needs conspiracy theories when reality is crazy enough lately. .. ugh
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06-04-2017 16:59 by snotty
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