Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   My signature move is falling in love with people I can't have.

   Laugh now, but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world

   The Less people you deal with, the less problems you will have.

   Childhood is like being drunk. Everybody remembers it except you.

   "Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.", Ernest Hemingway

   it just me or you don't really realize how drunk you are until you are in a bathroom alone?

   Strong people don't put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.

   Always surprised when people on Tiny House Hunters move in with their kids and there isn't a follow-up show called Tiny House Homicides.

   I've always wanted to be one of those people who laughs all the way to the #bank, instead of one who cries every time he leaves.

   At Christmas time it's fun to take a new Lexus for a test drive, put a big red bow on it & pull into random people's driveways honking the horn.

   [first date] Him: Let's take the stairs! Me: I think we should see other people.

   I do less before 9AM than most people don't do all day.

   If running on a treadmill was only way to Recharge our phones, we would be the healthiest people on the planet

   Someone here said that bullying and insulting people, for no good reason, means you're doing things right. When did humanity get so stupid?

   You know what’s more annoying than cops? People who buy old refurbished cop cars and keep the spotlight attached. We all hate you.

   In a crowded elevator, tell all the tall people they have to get in the back because you're going to take a group selfie photo.

   According to state law, the other people waiting at the DMV are required to have a bad smell.

   Sometimes I meet people and feel bad for their dog.

   Back in my day, we didn’t have Instagram. We had to bore people in person with photo albums.

   Social Media is a cruel and shallow disingenuous trench, a long cyber hallway where lies and anger run free, and good people are treated like dogs. There's also a negative side.