Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 108 of 6384
Can someone please buy the Kardashian's a box of condoms, thanks
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05-20-2018 12:59
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Just got catcalled by a construction worker, again. Why can't men realize that we just want to walk down the sidewalk without someone calling out "hey that cement is wet!"
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05-22-2018 07:59
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You would think I am a fugitive on the run the way I react when there is a knock on my door.
If "The Breakfast Club" was made today, it would be a silent film about five kids staring at their phone
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07-01-2018 22:45 by Kyla
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Magic Johnson wasted the world's best porn name on a basketball career
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07-30-2018 15:15
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Whenever someone tells me a Knock-Knock joke, I sit there quietly and pretend I'm not at home until they leave.
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09-18-2018 07:42
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You can say "Have a nice day!" with no problem but you can't say "Enjoy the next 24 hours." without sounding mildly threatening.
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10-13-2018 22:02
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well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions
Disappointment is coming home to the smell of fresh bake cookies and finding out it's just a scented candel.
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11-11-2018 05:21 by Ha.ha
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When I was a kid, the only password you had to remember was the one that got you into the treehouse.
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01-16-2019 14:29
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The phrase “A stone’s throw” has been discontinued. Please use “In Wifi range” from now on.
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06-11-2019 06:44
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I always regret making a good first impression. Because there's no way I can keep that up for long.
Want more people to leave you alone? Announce bid for political office. Walk like Frankenstein if necessary.
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12-08-2017 13:13
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Did you know that if you light a candle during a full moon and say the name of the person you love three times you will look very stupid doing that.
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02-17-2018 09:14
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Most people say they are in favor of free speech until you say something they don't like
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02-23-2018 15:33
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I saw a woman at Walmart with March Madness teeth.. She was down to the final four.
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03-14-2018 07:30 by MDS
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if the Earth is flat, then my belly is too.
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03-21-2018 16:24
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I'm old enough to remember when apparently the worst thing life could hand you was lemons.
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04-09-2018 11:27
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Thinking of putting a Coronavirus Quarantine sign on my door to discourage solicitors.
Pro Tip: If you don’t have a mask, wearing a jock strap on your face tends to keep people at least 6 feet away from you.
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04-27-2020 15:31
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