Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   celebating....aaaaaah! crap I forgot an R! I am celebrating

   Remember that new kid who always used to wear a skull cap and asked you to go to the prom with him and you rejected him?..Yeah,He had cancer and he died the very same night you were dancing with the school bully..Let that marinate in your mind for awhile

   My conservative friend had blood dripping from his mouth. I asked him if he's ok and he said "don't worry about it, my sister's in her period"

   Halloween is coming ... and you know what that means. An excuse for every girl to dress slutty and get away with it.

   Studies show that 36% of people rushed to the hospital die on their way. Such a coincidence seeing that 36% of ambulance drivers are women.

   Two Lovers plan to sucide. Boy jumped first. Girl closed her eyes and return backsaying 'Love Is Blind.' Boy in air 0pen his parachute saying 'Love Never Dies to'.

   likes his women like he likes his whiskey...15 years old and mixed with coke

   White privilege is how Amy Winehouse was considered a misunderstood soul and Whitney Houston was considered a crackhead.

   Do you wanna have a slumber party in my basement? Is my statuses your drug? Huh your drug is my status your drug? Because your status is my drug huh your drug? huh your drug is my status your drug?

   HD Ready

   LGBTQ = Let's Get Biden To Quit

   A cashless society was predicted in the Bible. It was written in the Book of Visa.

   Interviewer: your resume is very impressive, but what would you say is your biggest weakness Me: lying on my resume probably

   West Virginia is just Virginia's white suburb...

   My wife, whose almost deaf wants a kid. She went to the doctor and he said she has a fissure in her uterus and if she had a baby it's be a miracle. She thought he said she had a fish in her uterus and if she had a baby it's be a mackerel.

   I just had a bowel movement that was more forced than the interview portion of Jeopardy.

   When they heard about his visit to the hospital, hell immediately started to construct a wall.

   There's a thin line between Nirmal and Crazy people , and that line is usually cocaine

   Spicer can't concentrate long enough to intelligently discuss the holocaust. He needs to improve his concentration. Do they have camps for that?

   Q: What's Better Than A Rose On Your Piano? A: Tulips On Your Organ.