Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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I'm so over hearing about Tiger and Jesse James. I think EVERYONE is just jealous that he was able to have all these women and get away with it for so long. Other sports figures and ploticians do this as well. They just haven't gotten caught yet! 
Did you break wind as well? Because hopefully a wind will blow you off of this page. Nobody cares about your bodily gases. Thank you.
women are like parkingspots . All the good ones are taken... and the rest is for handicaped people ...
wouldn't join any club that would accept him as a member.
Today, the doctor told me that I have Vasovagal Syncope: I pass out every time I get aroused. Bye bye sex.
why is burqas classified as crime, when lady gaga can wear raw meat as an outfit in public?
doesn't use butter , doesn't use cheese, doesn't use jelly or any of these , only uses vaseline......
When I die, I'd like someone to keep updating my Facebook status just to freak people out... "Wow, who knew they had wi-fi up there?"
golf is about "strokes" & "balls"...if that isnt a gay sport, idk what is
Girl: Why do you constantly keep posting my name as your Facebook status every 2 minutes? Boy: Facebook keeps asking me what's on my mind? And honestly, it's always you.
You wanna know who's amazing and has the cutest smile ever? Read the first word again :)
if she got gold in her mouth....she's too hood for you bro
If your not over your EX then don't move on Cause you playing with someone else feelings!
RELATIONSHIP TIP: You have to love yourself before you can expect anyone else to love you. Becoming happy with who you are and acknowledging your flaws.
Last night I slept for 6 hours straight then 1 hour ga y.
Your Sunday morning bible lesson :And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and receive eternal life."....... But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Dear people who think its cool to flip off the camera when getting their pics taken; Why are you so mad? Did someone sodomise you as a kid?
10/11/12. We get it, already. Except it's really 10/11/2012...
Face it.. Hotel rooms are good for one thing only... Getting laid
My wife and I do it doggie style. I sit up and beg, and she rolls over and plays dead. 