Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   living in a pineapple under the sea

   ..is off to spend some quality time with her gf. Be back in two minutes! :-)

   coffee because I grind so fine

   Macaroni wouldn't be nothing if it weren't for cheese. Cheese, on the other hand, doesn't need macaroni to stay pimp. I think we all know who wears the pants in the macaroni and cheese relationship.

   Ladies do you suffer from camel toe? Well suffer no longer the cure is here!!! Cut a piece of cardboard to fit your under garments and presto chango no toe!!!

   don't pee on me and tell me it's raining... pee on me and tell me you love me.

   I was going to complain about my headache then I remembered JFK

   They were talking about that Mary Magdalene in church again today. What a skank.

   The next president of the USA will be named Barack, Mitt or Newt! You can't make this stuff up...

   I wish Obama would hurry up & have himself a sex scandal already!!! The last time that happened Unemployment was at 4% & Inflation climbed 1%... Anyone remember the good ole days where Andrew Jackson was King?

   I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.

   Wine gets better with age. That’s why it’s always better by the time you pour the fourth glass.

   I'm more scared than Barack Obama at a Willie Nelson concert.

   out of beta, and is releasing on time

   What do you get when you cross a retard with a gang banger? Someone who spray paints on a chain link fence.

   When I die, I want to be buried alive.

   If I was a jumper the first place i'd jump is right into megans fox's panties..:)

   just found an excellent heroin dealer! His name is Al Vishniac and his address is 987 E. 7th st, Apt. 4-A.

   You think you know someone and then one day you visit them and find out they put bread in their fridge :(

   Science is for the egotistical that think man has all the answers