Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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If there was some kind of memory disease, I would be on stage 10 
afraid to go to work, my couch seems to be suffering from separation anxiety!
There should be some kind of a law against guys putting their girlfriend's photos on their profile pic. I am tired of sending friends request based on profile pics only to be confronted by a dude.
just realized after a session of je...ummm...I mean after cleaning and then wiping the sweat off while catching my breath, that one forearm is quite bigger than the other one. I wonder if that is hereditary.
Is global warming real or are the hot headed scientist to close to the thermometer.
"I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house."
I think Facebook has some serious self-conscious issues...either that or it's being run by Heidi Montag...enough with the changes!!! You were so money the way you were...
If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
I'm fed up with my brain remembering crap I'd like to forget and forgetting crap I'd like to remember!
the best way to piss off your wife is to tell her her pants look too loose.....
Wondering “if a milkshake brings all the boys to the yard” then “what brings all the girls to the yard?”…well whatever it is I'll have a glass of that!!!
can't wait til Chad Johnson gets kicked off of Dancing with the Has-Beens so I don't have to read peoples' status updates about him...
Seriously facebook? I can write on the wall but not colour it in? WHAT IS THIS???
why am I so popular that all the facebook viruses come to me?????
it's illegal to sleep in the nude in Minnesota. Like Really? What are the officer's gonna say if I answer the door clothed. "We had some Complaints..."
GIRLS; Some of them want to use you.., some of them want to get used by you...
guess there isn't anything to this Global warming, Gores now agree
trying to figure out where deleted data off your mobile phone goes...?
honestly......who bends over to pick a nickel up off the ground anymore.....
writing his name on a steemed mirror,,,,,, 