Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Can Happiness buy money?

   Today Sandusky means "child molester" Not long from now it will mean "sombody's biach"

   When I'm hungry, I call you. When I'm horny, I call your friend.

   For relationship rules to work, always keep changing them and don't tell the other person what they are.

   I'll be your filthy, dirty, naughty girl every day. Not you, jackass. You either. You.

   Beggo! Why don't you just c0py and paste next time!!!

   I drink vodka and gin. My alter ego drinks tequila and rum. Together we make one hell of a Long Island Iced Tea.

   i know you guys want to remove timeline from Facebook, so do I but can you please stop sending me request for it!

   Hey guy hitting on my girlfriend, how does imagination feel like?

   ''Magic Mike''.......if I hear this one more time I hitting someone with an ''Open Mike!!!''

   I wonder how each of you guys look?

   there is a skinny girl inside me tring to get out...but I can shut her up with cookie.

   She got her looks from her mother.....she was a plastic surgeon

   There are some people I would just like to high-five. In the face. With a tack.

   This country wasn't built on rock and roll, Ford trucks, or even good old hard work, this country was built on cheeseburgers.

   The best part of Black Friday? Waiting outside the stores for exhausted women on endorphin highs to come out.

   Just finished a frenzied reciprocal poke session on facebook. I think my finger just came.

   In 2012 if you want to stop seeing the same old things..stop doing the same old things.If you want change, you change first;) And don t do newyears resolutions! Have SOLUTIONS for last years problems cuz you will face them again.

   I am kinda getting tired of listening to those little pink elves sing about walking in an Orgy wonderland on the Tmobile commerical. I still have not figured out what having an orgy has to do with cell phone but lets hope they don't post pics with the new

   monday - friday , we work. saturday - sunday they party I'm still @ work. they sleep I'm dreaming!