Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "Dear Life ...Patience is a virtue of a few and I have been ur sincere student for quite sometime now so plz give up on the idea of me giving up....Destiny awaits me......"

   With fame I become more and more stupid, which of course is a very common phenomenon.

   if everyone I knew was an artist and they could paint their lives on a canvas, then I'm afraid I would see far too many people using sandpaper instead of a paintbrush. Tragic.

   one good wish changing nothing, one good decision changes everything!

   found the SPOT Tonites gonna b a good good nite...

   often thought of getting into the petroleum industry, but drilling for oil is boring.

   The difference between the local school and local prison?The Address and The tolerance of phone calls

   Jack's complete lack of surprise.

   You may be on Team Edward, however, I am on team Woden Stake, no hold still while I drive this through your heart

   enjoying the peace and quiet... the voices in my head aren't speaking to me at the moment!

   It's a dog-eat-dog world out there...don't get caught wearing 'milk-bone' underwear!

   I don't mind running into debt. It's running into my creditors that's embarrassing.

   ok...who watches Jeremy Kyle to make themselves feel better about thier own screwed up life?

   My therapist once told me, "Sarah, no one is taking advantage of you." Feeling a bit better I asked how much was the co-pay. He said "I don't know how much do you got?"

   When making your point, length times width times height speaks volumes.

   new twinkie diet???? I been on that one since I was 5 yrs old!

   hopes Prince Harry doesn't wear one of his special party costumes to his brother's nuptuals.

   If only dumb people were smart enough to know how dumb smart people were they wouldn't feel so stupid.

   always happy, and wondering how they will find pppropriate picture to use on his obituary

   i undressed him with my eyes