Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Kids are fun, but I prefer playing with the package they came in.

   If Britain didn't colonize America, Americans would be sat in wig-wams speaking Spanish

   Obama was confused, it's not his "Birth Certificate" it's a "Gift Certificate"...

   Apparently....Charlie Sheen is now suing the tsunami that hit Japan for replacing him as the biggest disaster on TV.

   Back before Walmart, you used to have to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded woman.

   ever danced with the devil in the pail of moon light ?

   Available in 'Small' Medium' and 'Large'

   Rest in Peace Captain Phil...I guess catching crabs can really kill you!!!

   Yoga Pants should have a weight limit.

   He also said something about using ultraviolet light inside the body. So I guess Dumbo crats are now shoving flashlights up their butts.

   My arms are so sore from playing Wii, I can't even wank it.

   Anyone else feel a bit like Hitler when someone tells them about the president dying and all you can think is "It's only Poland".

   the only thing ORIGINAL in this world is weed. so sit back, chill out and talk to the cat.

   Just had sex with a Prostitute who had only one eye. Told her I might see her again. She said shed keep an eye out for me.

   not suitable for children!!!!!

   Life is really just a big game of pushing the trash down until the next person gives in and takes it out.

   .. If there was a liars hall of fame. He would be first person inducted.

   A BJ A Day Keeps Divorce Lawyers Away

   If the homosexuals are here to stay maybe they should all move to UGANDA. Problem solved.

   Yes it's unseaonally cold. But let's keep in mind those people in Niamey that are currently dealing with a 99 degree temperature.