Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Woke up this morning on a hotel room floor laying on a make-shift bed I made entirely out of a tuxedo and towels. Still not quite sure where my pants are. God I love weddings. 
twying to twalk wiff twenty wemon dwops in my mouff
going to live forever or die trying.
note to self: they all look the same when the lights are out,
I'm shaking my laptop trying to figure out what's in the presents under my virtual Christmas tree..
resolves to do the "Pull my finger" thing more in 2010. That's really what made 2009 one of my best years yet!
nothing like a bowl of choclate icecream to soothe a sore throat
You wanna have fun? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, "The car behind me is paying for two
that a keg in your back pocket? Cause I'd tap it
handing out "damns" because so many people say I give them.
Jack and Jill went up the hill, but Jack ran out of breath, undaunted Jill got up her will and she went down with Beth.
No one understand a bad hair day like I understand a bad hair day, I am currently rockin ruff and stuff with my afro puff!!!
[Due to Improper conduct on facebook and writing randomly on walls, Facebook has removed my status bar ]
concerned by the NBA champions LA LAKERS with Ron Artest thanking his "hood", Phil telling his guys to grab their loose balls, and Kobe doin work so much to get his man Phil back once again.
n Germany they are preparing for the crisis by stocking up with sausage and cheese. That’s the Wurst Käse scenario.
Manwich Sloppy Joe Sauce is changing its name to Genderneutralwich.🥫
My theory is that Big Foot is in hiding because he's self conscious about the size of his feet.
Why didn't the gay cop from "The Village People" save the day in that Orlando club?
The NRA says what happened in Nice, France cld have been stopped if everyone in the crowd also had a truck
Trump's smart, he doesn't pay taxes. Sniff. Russia, China and 400 pound people may be out to get us. Sniff. 