Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Humidity = Bad hair day!! Thinking of shaving her head....Britney Spears style

   busy writing a note to self: DO NOT PUNCH IN THE FACE (AGAIN) the dude sitting in the next cubicle no matter how annoying his vacation tale is !!!

   getting a tattoo on my forhead of the word "Idiot", because it seems that everyone that I come across already thinks that I am. So I have decided to just put it out there for them so they don't waste anymore time in trying to figure it out.

   wonders if when the inventor of the bong came up with the idea, did a black light appear above his head?

   Listening to Jimmy Buffet all day is giving me some unproductive ideas that might get me fired.

   cooler than the other side of the pillow! :P

   If I see that "fuzzoodle" commercial one more time, I'm going to shoot my tv.

   Im down to funnel three 40's and talk some $hit!!!

   First "The Drive" then "The Shot" now "The Decision". Cleveland is offically curse.

   got so drunk last night that he apprantly had sent a text to his friend saying "dude, partys great, but were runnin out of alcohol, so email me a pack of captain morgans, then head over."

   Things are always better when you get a pat on the Butt!!!!

   Brett Favre to retire today...IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME!!!

   told this morning he/she look great today by a stranger, I felt great, until I realized they were blind

   loving Brett Favre's annual cover of the song "Should I Stay or Should I Go"

   preparing for school to start and the daily doses of Justin Bieber fever. Years ago it was Britney Spears and, yes, I wanted to hit her one more time. But with Justin...I just want to wrap a Silly Bandz around his hair to get it out of his eyes!

   Michael Cera, Jay Baruchel, Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill, Jesse Eisenberg and whinging Dev Patel (star of THE LAST AIRBENDER) are one dimensional, talentless and unattractive.

   A STRESSOR AND AN APPETITE SUPPRESSANT, will help you lose weight!

   I didn't know NASCAR contracted IDOT to patch the racetracks! I knew the quality of that patch looked familiar

   I think the moonwalk should be part of the field sobriety test. Take away saying the alphabet backwards clause.

   I really wish I hadn't heard that, I would be so much happier not knowing.