Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Snookie's got more hip than a potamus!

   I don't always drink milk, but when I do I prefer dos chichis

   it me or does C-lo Green look like a twacked out beetle?

   Valentine Day Cancelled!!! ...Mathematical Proof - 14-02-12 = 0

   Teacher : "DO YOU WANT TO SPEND LUNCH IN MY CLASS?!?!?!" - Student: "Are you asking me out? O_O"

   Welcome. Hi Americans! Donald Trump may become President of your country! If that happens, and you decide to get the hell out of there, may I suggest you moving to Cape Breton Island, Canada!

   [At the Border] Officer: “You American?”... Me: “Deep”... *Officer squints*... Me: “Fried”... *squints harder*... Me: “Guns”... "Welcome back, Sir."

   Trump will be President!....I'm just seeing if I'm right on my Facebook memory. Thanks

   Funny all those people that love Prince and don't mind his drug abuse probably complained about Lance Armstrong

   Where do dinosaurs fit in this bible story of yours Sir?

   All of those movies that had a black President in charge of America at the end of the world were wrong. Turns out it will be an orange one.

   I'm really starting to regret my io6 tattoo...

   I would gladly believe in a religion that gives me free pizza and says people who squeeze the toothpaste tube from the centre go to hell.

   I wonder If butterflies get humans in their belly????

   Michael Jackson has been dead a long time but moonwalking still makes people uncomfortable at children's parties.

   I had a dream I was reading fun ny sta tuses, I woke up and there weren't any here anymore..... just recycled rubbish!

   Im thinking of changing my name to Reason.... Because no one ever listens to me.

   Leave the horse I rode in on out of this b*tch!

   girls that drive vans are sexy, just because you know they put out.

   cons can't understand the US Supreme Court I see. Never paid attention in government class in grade school, is the reason