Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

   If I was invisible I would be the most Boobie feelinest..Bank robbinest...person this side of the mississippi....Nite yall

   If your ship has sailed, chase that damn thing down!

   Most of the time I think i'd be better off talking to a wall other than you

   If you lose something let it go, but when it comes back, that's how you know.

   ...that uncomfortable moment after you call your girlfriend the wrong name.

   Justin Bieber is the real reason why Ricky Martin decided to come out of the closet

   cant believe the yanks but the bin out on a bank holiday

   Mariah named her newborn boy Moroccan Scott, after her fav Moroccan room in her NYC apartment. Her newborn daughter White Monroe, after Marilyn's white piano she owns. (Wtf?) And, I'm Italian Stallion. You figure out why.

   ya "playa" skillz is broke, just like ya wallet!!

   This really works, 1 hold your breath for one hour. 2 die

   I hope Eagles fans loaded up on batteries to throw at the hurricane, lol Philadelphia fans lol......

   Don't let Facebook fool you, we're NOT friends !

   girl its your booty..not your beauty!!!!

   Someone had their daily dose of Douche-Juice today!

   Todays suggestion...Someone just KILL terry jones,so more people dont die because of HIS stupidity. Like the GOVT hasent done it in the past,US citizen or not. Hell I'll do it,just give me the go ahead.

   Will it ever stop; Yo, I don't know, turned out the lights, and there's snow

   Due to time constraints, your regularly scheduled status has been postponed. Please check back later for further updates.

   grade school tupac valentine card: instead of takin the test cupid pumped two in my chest...be mine

   Chocolate is my drug of choice.