Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   wants to be a millionaire.

   How have Christians not used the "dinosaurs died off because they were all gay" argument yet?

   frickin awesome! 'Nough Said.

   melting in your mouth not in your hands

   I used to have an invisible friend, then I stopped going to church.

   (630): The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....

   I don't always drink beer but when I do, I play good beer pong

   thinks people who end sentences with prepositions should knock it off.

   says "Water Under the Bridge should stay under the Bridge!"

   Coupon Susie and I were going to get married, but it turned out she just wasn't cut out for me.

   smile it's the second best thing you can do with your mouth

   I measure the wealth of my day by asking myself did I add more friends today over friends who have deleted me on Facebook

   I thought love was a giveing thing.... The more I gave the less I got

   saw this on an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, oh...fly Delta?)

   Warning: Weeding another man's garden will eventually get you plowed!!!

   doesnt get drunk, he gets awesome

   i used to think Facebook was made by a woman since it changed appearance and became more complicated so much, but now.. I am positive it is ran by a guy, after all the suggested poking of girls it wants me to do.

   If steak and B.J. day isn't a real holiday, than neither Is ''daughter day.''

   I like being Next,, You can let somebody go in front of you and still be Next. People know who you are. " Who is that"? ... " Oh him he is Next".

   Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been shut off.