Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   @Guys - your nipples make no sense to us.

   here to tell you, honey, that I'm bad to the bone. B-b-b-b-bad.

   X says When I was a kid I wanted a pet giraffe & a working lightsaber, but then I hit puberty and found out I had a working "lightsaber" and didn't leave my bedroom for a year.

   I do not 'get' the concept of a 'gift certificate' , first you take a piece of paper that's good EVERYWHERE,,,,

   more kisses begin with Budweiser or good weed than Kay

   Chloroform makes a fine cologne... Every girl falls for me

   Rebecca Black is pregnant... she should have gotten in the front seat, not the back seat.

   Love is never wrong...Especially when that love is between two young carefree ladies who have wandering hands and a deep curiosity for experimentation...Yea that's some real love :)

   Like the egg said to the boiling water...It's going to take me a few minutes to get hard, I just got laid last night. Cluck cluck cluck cluck.

   stepped on a corn flake...Does that make me a cereal killer?

   I went to a Gay picnic once , the music was good , decorations were just lovely . The Beer was cold , hamburgers were just delicious but the hot dogs tasted like crap .

   Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.

   A Guy gives a girl 12 roses, 11 real, 1 fake, and tells her "I will love you until the last rose dies<3

   kid climbed into the Gorilla exhibit because the Gorilla looked like his jigaboo father

   Do Lions count Sheep befor they fall asleep

   I wonder what fish smelled like before women went swimming?

   Everyone talks about global warming, but what about global humidity?

   My buddy was playing a drinking game where he’d take a shot of whiskey every time Trump lies. His funeral is Tuesday.

   So, how long before we can marry our cousins, brother, sister, pets or all of the above at the same time? Asking for a friend.

   "Shut up facebook.I'm trying to do my homework,"