Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I wonder if I can do a reverse mortgage on my student loan and then when I die they can have my degree.

   waiting to be blown by Irene ... I wonder if she swallows :)

   like that and that's the way it is

   I like to dye my hair when I stay in hotel rooms to make the housekeepers believe I’m on the run.

   The "nut job" told the "nut jobs" that the head of the FBI is a "nut job" You can't make this stuff up

   probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.

   also known as H1N1

   ..walked into a butchers and saw some meat hanging from the ceiling. The butcher said he'd give me $100 if I i could jump up and touch them. I said "no" and he asked why. I said "Because the steaks are too high."

   I just found a Christmas present from last year for the kids....... should have seen their little faces when they opened it...poor little kitty!

   Leaving tha house to start todays blactivities!

   I just accepted Jesus...to do my lawn for the next year

   Only trust people who like big butts... they cannot lie.

   Just took a duce so big and hard I think it was my first gay experience

   Does anyone have a good marinade recipe for dolphin?

   Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn't mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine;)

   a jack of all trades and a master of fun.

   During the deposition, Don Jr decided to plead the Fifth, mainly because that's as high as he can count.

   I wish everything was as easy as gaining weight.

   Wondering why I have a belly button, but not being able to imagine life without one

   .Its Better to lose a lover THAN love a loser