Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Dear God.. If that cat puke on the floor disapears in the next 5 minutes, then I will except Jesus as my savior. Amen 
so since Obama is president, does that make it an obamanation?
After I cook the vegetables, what do I do with the wheelchairs?
If you need an assault rifle with 30, 50, or 90 round clips to protect yourself maybe you just suck at protecting yourself.
in trouble for moving all the bibles to the fiction section at Barnes 'N Noble
Be careful what you pray for: you just might get it. Kidding! Prayer doesn’t work.
In the 90's we had Clinton in office. We also had Bob Hope and Johnny Cash. Now we have Obama in office and we have no hope and no cash.
whats the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the battered womens shelter? The dishes if she knows what good for her!
looking forward to July 12th... England 4?5?6? - USA 0
Pondering the effects of the Reconciliation Budget law on osteopathic medical education
Not to worry Obama will fix everything while he's on vacation in Rio this weekend......
I’m trying to teach our self cleaning oven how to do the rest of the house.
If I was told when I was a kid that in the future, the press would glorify a drug addled jigaboo repeat offending felon who resisted arrest and would ignore 13 servicemen who died, I wouldn't have believed it. Yet here we are.
Maybe women wear a watch because they dont carry a stove with them everywhere they go you sexist b@stard.
life sucks (mood:optimistic)
Beauty is why God invented eyeballs.., and your booty is why God invented my balls...
would so kill herself if she believed in reincarnation.
thinks it would be easy for all the asians that are changing their profile pictures for It's "Doppelgänger Week" on Facebook, because they could all just change it to Jackie Chan... God knows they all lookalike..
Someone go take out a famous black guy so we can get another day off next year
Just seen a Cheerios commercial with an interracial family so I've eaten my last bowl of Cheerios. 