Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's hard for me to take the things you say seriously when I know what's been in that mouth of yours.

   I've heard the song 'This Is How We Do It' like a million times, but it's still very unclear to me.

   has some advice for the guys out there... Never put tiger balm on and then go to the bathroom.

   No, you idiot! I said 'avert' your eyes, not 'invert' them. Wow, that's disgusting!

   I'm not shy around women. I'm realistic.

   pick a number from 1 to 10 and add it to your age....think of a colour and clodse your eyes...................................dark isn't it?

   R.I.P to all the virginity that will be lost tonight.

   i don't get it...tonight theres millions of breaking & entering cases but nobody calls the police because they get bought off with presents

   At a nerd wedding they don`t say, "I do." They say, "I accept the terms and conditions."

   kids at the front door selling drugs!!!! I got 3 boxes of thin mints coming!

   I think this buddy of mine is becoming really good at fishing coz all his neighbors call him a MASTER BAITER!....bravo buddy!

   an intelligent carbon based lifeform.

   Manti Te'o watches Clint Eastwood speaking to an empty chair *nods approvingly*

   there's a million fish in the sea and I'm just worm to attract them!

   I love you but I'm not, "I want us to be miserable together," in love with you.

   I haven't been this bored since Everlast told me his life story.

   Dan Marino's Love Child: There were no DNA tests. This came about when the mom saw the kid throw her bottle across the room in a perfect spiral hitting her dead center in the face every time.

   Bring back hanging,that's what I say... tumble-driers are useless....

   I'm way way way more concerned about the adults still writing think-pieces today on Miley Cyrus than Miley Cyrus.

   I hand lettered this. Does it look real?