Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   HAH....the radio just said it's Rosie O'Donnell's 49th birthday..... And here I thought he was more like 60 !.... just sayin'

   LeBron travels like crazy and never gets called on it. He's comes from near the 3 point line, doesn't dribble the ball at all, then does the lay up for the score. They should show the Heat games on the Travel Channel.

   I tried to commit suicide last night. I won't be trying that again I nearly died.

   toooo many Debbie Downers on facebook...wah, my life sucks, wah, my husband died ,wah, I burned dinner...

   You're so vain, I'll bet you think this post is about you, don't you? don't you?

   Everyone makes mistakes, accept for me.

   Spandex: a Right, not a Privilege.

   dude, where's my government

   New Presidential Executive Order: All DNC Trolls must now only fly United Airlines

   In the 2020 election, remember... Bernie is with her...

   Fidget Spinners: Is that like really small women with Turetts Syndrome?

   The scariest US president was Rushmore, because he had 4 heads

   George W said he spoke with Osama, and Osama said he didn't do it.

   A three-legged dog walks into an Old West saloon and says "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my Paw!"

   Remember the time when you said that you hire the best people, then all those people went to prison? That was awesome!

   An agnostic is just an atheist who is hedging his bets.

   Education is important, but opening the pubs is importanter.

   Having a search warrant is not a break in .

   Why are they called ‘school gym clothes’ and not ‘class action suits’?

   be glad ur not a smurf....they have blue balls 24/7