Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why can't we let Kyle Rittenhouse go and put the Prosecutors in Jail?

   a Figment of your imagination

   Just got 3 robocalls in a row from the Romney campaign...each different reflecting 2008, 2010 and 2012 Romney.

   Fox News reports that Obama visits Indonesia, one of several foreign countries where he was born.

   Save a baby seal...Club a liberal.

   What separates humans from the animals? The Mediterranean.

   Hey Baltimore, eat a Snickers. You get all Ferguson when you're hungry.

   MARY was handpicked by God to bear his son, MOSES was handpicked by God to bring the Israelites out of Egypt, NOAH was personally asked by god to build the ark, but the POPE is chosen by ballot box. One of these people is an impostor.

   Roses are red, nuts are round, skirts are up, panties are down, belly to belly, skin to skin, when it is stiff, stick it in! Not that's a love poem!

   Can we please go back to the main menu of life? I think I accidentally chose "Extremely Hard".

   How do I jailbreak my e-cig?

   Dont lie, this smiley pisses you off (-:

   Men, if you watched the Royal Wedding, your balls will only be reissued upon confirmation of beer consumption & NFL draft discussion....

   If a chick with big boobs can work at Hooters, why can a women with one leg work at I Hop

   Monday must be male. It always comes too fast.

   y'all keep saying Rhianna has a big forehead your wrong! Its more like a fivehead.

   It is being reported that Mississippi is considering banning birth control...this should result in a sharp increase in the sheep population.

   Cinco de Mayo is actually about a ship full of mayonnaise that sank off the coast of Mexico.

   Does anybody know how to disable the autocorrect feature on my wife?

   Old white guys complained about the SB halftime show because we grew up in a time when originality, actually playing an instrument and not having auto tuned vocals counted as talent. Not like that heap of mediocrity we just saw.