Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Thx Burger King breakfast for letting me experience Prison Food!

   Dealing with haters is all about mind over matter. I don't mind cuz you don't matter.

   Nothing important, move along....

   I miss Wesley Snipes. That man could act. You really believed for a moment that he was afraid of Michael Jackson in the Bad video.

   Guys, You Know It Must Of Been One Hell Of A Night When You Can't Pee Straight... Err, I Mean See Straight.

   If i'm weird with you, it means I'm comfortable with you.

   A good box of wine will turn any ordinary meal into an extraordinary meal.

   Born free. Now, I'm expensive.

   Sorry nobody seems to want to tell all the spanish people out there so allow me "Osama está muerto."

   Want's to hijack Family Radio and play 48 hours of ACDC for your listening pleasures.

   I wear my glasses to the liquor store in an effort to appear responsible.

   Today's best euphemism for self gratification: Buttering your corn.

   Stories that have been ripped from the headlines are the best. Except the ones ripped by bears. They're really hard to read.

   Last time I checked, it bounced.

   and with a flick of my lighter, the dishes are done.

   The Beatles saved the world from boredom. - George Harrison

   Will not post anymore about snow after this post telling others to stop posting about snow.

   I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think some people are taking it as a challenge.

   For some strange reason, no matter where I go, the place is always called "here"

   HOW TO CONTROL PEOPLE: Repeatedly lie to people about a "life-ending event" in the basis of religion enough times to where they slighty believe you and have them talk about it all over the world.