Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Ever feel like stapling someones ear to their desk and slam a sticky note on their head that says "Help me, my ear is stuck to the table"?

   I propose a toast to all my friends who are still with me in 2011. To those who unfriended me in 2010... you can kiss my glass.

   If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?

   wondering why lady gaga is doesnt want to kiss or touch him, did he do something?, were fernando and roberto involved?

   Freedom's natal day is here.Fire the guns and shout for freedom,See the flag above unfurled!Hail the stars and stripes forever,Dearest flag in all the world

   and Premature Ejaculation are now friends...

   These lemons are half empty.

   I wish my past could be my future

   I'm free of prejudices! I hate everyone equally :-)

   "If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.

   wonders who wants to a fairy princess when it's so much more fun to be the wicked queen

   A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car!

   Eyjafjallajoekull Volcano. You must be eyjafjallajoking!

   you know you've been in a long relationship when you start retiring sex toys

   just paid my electric bill, so i'm kinda low on the stuff we trade out for those ice cold beers

   Parents inThis Economy is soo bad... Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

   it me, or did American Idol invite all the senior citizens of Rock they could find??

   What part of hippomonstrasesquipphobia Dont you understand?

   You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

   I took my dog for a walk and played Frisbee with her, but she was useless. I really need to get a flatter dog. :)