Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   North Korea got missile that can reach Chicago,,, be carefull North Korea chicago will shoot back

   pot a gateway drug? Not everyone who smokes pot ends up doing heroin, but everyone who does heroin started off with smoking pot!

   This years summer swimsuit look = busted can of biscuits.

   If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I would for sure pick living.

   The reason grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup are such a great combination is because they are the same basic ingredients as pizza.

   I hope the police take the Orange Man's advice and rough him up when he is finally arrested for being a Russian Spy.

   The relationship my wife and I have is psychological. One is psycho and the other is logical.

   I'll admit, if Trump eliminates the MS-13 gang, he will have gained my respect. Trump better not deliver a false promise!

   No need to drive me crazy, I can walk from here.

   I wonder if John McCain is still a war hero in the eyes of Trump?

   If Trump isn't your president, why do you want to fight in his military?

   Ian Hart wants to remind you this Halloween, that as a general rule, don't solve riddles that open portals to Hell

   I can take either Sugar, Sweet n Low, or Splenda in my coffee. You could say I'm ambidexrose.

   If I was out there on a boat or scuba diving, It'd be "shart week" for me

   You mellennials and your obsession with public healthcare, back in my day we just died!

   If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.

   Even to this day, I still can't remember that time I had amnesia.

   According to a RAND study from June 2016,. The researchers concluded that these treatments would increase health care costs for active-duty service members by $2.4 million and $8.4 million annually, Have to make obamacare cuts somewhere.

   Trump: Making America "straight" again ?

   If it ain't one damn thing after another, it's the same damn thing over and over again.