Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why doesn't this superglue lock on things tightly like it does its own cap?

   If lemons could talk I bet they would say "Hey! Did you know you have a papercut?"

   Hey here is something I learned and wanted to pass along -- you can donate to the Hurricane Relief fund and not tell anyone.

   Tweets are expanding to 280 characters and now I am looking for someone to write a forward for my soon-to-be-published tweet.

   A bachelor dates 20 hot girls all at the same time, and they are all good with this, and they call it a "reality show."

   97-year-old WWII vet goes viral after 'taking a knee' to support NFL players.

   NFL doctor's may have a new term for head concussions. The Trump syndrome.

   Roy Moore wins Alabama's Republican Senate primary, defeating Trump-backed candidate. Trump throws tantrum.

   Poor Hillary can't get a break. She was at a Chinese restaurant, and when she cracked open the fortune cookie, a ballot with Trump's name was in it.

   If you don't remember her name in the morning, take her to Starbucks.

   If protesting for social justice was good for business, THEN...Kaepernick would have a job! The NFL will soon be in hospice care.

   If Democrats ever thought illegals were voting for Republicans, you'd be able to see the wall from outer space!

   Colin Kaepernick + "Free Speech" = Free Agent!

   Why aren't all of the social justice warriors out helping hurricane victims?! Too soon?!

   If NFL players wanted free speech, then why don't they protest the fines they pay for end zone celebrations?! Hypocrites!

   The President is only loved by ONE person....the American voter!

   Kaepernick keeps taking a knee based on a lie...Michael Brown never had his hands up!

   Hey NFL...you should ask Mizzou how they've been getting along since they tolerated all of that social justice protesting! Haha, it's a ghost town over there!

   Dear Mr President: Stop spraying manure everywhere, it now smells in Alaska

   Kim is now offering nukes to the NFL. I said this would get out of hand but no one listened.