Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ...If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.

   ...Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.

   hopes this Halloween, he doesn't end up with a bag full of restraining orders again.

   Silly Balloon Boy Dad. The only way you can get away with lying to the American people and toying with their emotions is to be a politician.

   .ʇı ʎuǝp oʇ ʎɹʇ ʇ,uop .ʍou ʇɥbıɹ ʎɐʍɐ puıɯ ɹnoʎ buıʍo1q

   my children are ARE well behaved!! everyone just has high standards

   My Reality Check bounced.

   thinks everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

   wonders if Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

   my husband said he wanted me to tease him, so I said "Alright, fatty." I guess that's not what he meant. :(

   spooning with the cat tonight.

   keeping his hands clapping and his pecker in his pants...

   ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶*´¨`* That's me granting you a wish. Simply comment your wish below and poof...you got it! LOL....

   insists that EL Cucuy lives in her closet!

   IF SOMEBODY SENDS ME ONE MORE FARMVILLE INVITE THEN I WILL KILL YOU'RE ANIMALS AND SET FIRE TO YOU'RE CROPS!!!!!!!!!

   BREAKING NEWS - Obama just won an Oscar for watching a movie!

   no problems with buying tampons. I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" present. "Happy birthday, mum!"

   My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her, so I said "Alright, fatty."

   wondering why people think bartenders care about your misrable life. We dont! Now leave some cash and be on your way!

   's dad asked him for a balloon ride, but he said "No, I don't wanna be a hoax"