Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6292 of 6446

I've always disliked the IRS, but now I wonder if I've had them all wrong. They sent me a letter stating that they were going to start garnishing my wages at the beginning of the year. That is so thoughtful. Wonder what they'll use....paprika, parsley, ch
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12-21-2009 23:05
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still waiting for that change.....
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12-21-2009 21:56
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the next time someone says nothing is impossible tell them to try and dribble a football.
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12-21-2009 20:40
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the next time someone says nothing is impossible tell them to try and unboil a hard boiled egg
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12-21-2009 20:05
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giving you his home made yule log this season. I'm mmmmmaking it nnnnow. I'll get it to you when I get out of the bathroom.

you know what amazes me? .....that people would rather believe the mayans prophecies about 2012 then believe in a god that made the universe... doesnt seem quite right to me...
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12-21-2009 19:27
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According to a to a recent UCLA study, surfing the Internet stimulates the brain. And certian sites stimulate other parts of the body.
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12-21-2009 17:50
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the man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
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12-21-2009 17:50
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y do women wear white on there wedding day? so the dishwasher matches the fridge and the stove;)

the next time someone says nothing is impossible tell them to try dribbling a football
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12-21-2009 16:57
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congratulates Tiger Woods on the 2009 PGA Playa' of the year award.
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12-21-2009 16:31 by mark1965
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climbed to the top of Mount Everest and said hey I can see my house from here
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12-21-2009 15:06 by Vitani
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out spreading Christmas Cheer by streaking at sporting events.
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12-21-2009 15:03
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Dear Santa: if you ignore all my actions during weekends and all the alcohol I drank, you'll see that 6 out of 12 months I was a good boy, wich makes me 50% good...It's up to you to see the glass half empty or half full
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12-21-2009 14:09
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Has been thinking that people cheat on there wife all the time, but you never cheat on your mistress... thats just wrong

being 39 and after 20 years of living with my mother never understood what she meant by..."boys piss in the toliet" when we thought we were......Until NOW that I have a boy to clean after........GEZZZZZZZZ........
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12-21-2009 13:08
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Today is the shortest day of the year. Can't wait for tomorrow when the days begin to get longer once again!
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12-21-2009 11:40
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giving up Status Updates for lent
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12-21-2009 11:25 by Yaj
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Don't get your hopes up. Santa has about as much of a chance of bringing "Hope and Change" as a clown does.
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12-21-2009 10:35 by SCURRY
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would like to see things your way, but unfortunately can't stick my head that far up my arse
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12-21-2009 10:18
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