Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6229 of 6373
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I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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12-14-2009 16:44
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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12-14-2009 16:43
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I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
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12-14-2009 16:42
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Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
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12-14-2009 16:41
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thank you for keeping me sober facebook....you are another source of support and you dont have any idea...i check in with friends and it keeps me busy...thank you
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12-14-2009 16:21
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if we all have underware we like and don't like why don't we throw away the ones we don't like and buy more of the ones we do like.
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12-14-2009 15:58
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Bills travel at twice the speed through the post than cheques.
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because we didn't evolve from CURRENT apes... we evolved from a comman ancestor whose population was split and separated geographically 6 million years ago and evolved in different directions. DUH!
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12-14-2009 12:30
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says if you want to feel skinny, hang out with a group of fat people.
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12-14-2009 11:51 by mullerman
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The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.
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12-14-2009 11:30
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Move like Michael Jackson, Tonight on BBC 3, Is a contest,to find out who can move like Micheal Jackson....Am I alone in thinking,that really all the winner needs to do,is lie down & be still for half an hour ?
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12-14-2009 10:41
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What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
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12-14-2009 09:03 by Brades
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Christmas Card $3.00 Brand new "Shrek" dvd $20.00 Gift wrap $2.00 The look of disappointment in a childs face when you tell them santa isn't real - PRICELESS !!!
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12-14-2009 08:23 by Mile187
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note to self: they all look the same when the lights are out,
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12-14-2009 07:41
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No outfit is complete without a few dog hairs :)
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12-14-2009 07:40
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I have kleptomania. But when it get's bad,i take something for it.
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OFFICE MEMO: Mrs. Waite is doing all my work today. If you're in a rush for it,go to Helen Waite
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Sam Adams Triple Bock.....14% alcohol? Seriously? One of these is like 3.5 Coronas! .......Danger Will Robinson!
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12-14-2009 01:04
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Walked by A Maternity Clothes Store today and there was a "Please Come Inside" sign on the door. Duh, Why do you think they need Maternity Clothes
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12-14-2009 00:52 by Vito
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Life is like roller coster indeed, and i'm about to throw up..*woakh*
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12-14-2009 00:50
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