Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6172 of 6446

My father told me "never hit a man while he's down, kick him! It's a whole lot easier!"
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03-04-2010 10:05
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March 4th. I like today's date because it's like i'm telling people what to do.

really looking forward to this years Toyota Grand Prix of Long Beach. Talk about non-stop racing action!
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03-04-2010 09:46 by Pineapple
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Im never going to a petting zoo with MC hammer EVER AGAIN !!!
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03-04-2010 06:44
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Failure is not an Option, and Defeat is not a Choice!
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03-04-2010 01:05
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If my neighbors dont tone it down a little bit, I am going to have to change my WiFi network name to "I can hear you having sex".
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03-04-2010 00:08 by Vito
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You can't be a smart cookie with a crummy attitude.
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03-03-2010 23:17
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Silly rabbit tried to steal my damn trix.
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03-03-2010 23:14
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Be careful the bridges you burn today may be the very ones you will one day have to cross!
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03-03-2010 23:14
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examining one of his patients. Took the husband aside and said: Your wife doesn't look too good. Husband said: I know but she's got an awesome personality...
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03-03-2010 22:34 by samdave69
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doesn't mean to be gross, but the only time it's good to yell "I have diarrhea" is when you're playing Scrabble because it's worth like 12 points
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03-03-2010 22:25
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FAT CHICKS ARE LIKE MOPEDS, THERE ARE FUN AND GAMES UNTIL YOUR FRIENDS CATCH YOU RIDIN ONE.....

A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead". The operator says"Why do you think that?". The man says, "well, the s*x is still the same but the laundry is piling up."

thinks directing a few airplanes at JFK would be child's play.
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03-03-2010 19:41 by Marymc
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says....I was concerned that my goldfish was epileptic, so I took it to the Vet. "Looks fine to me" they said. I said "But you haven't taken it out of the water yet!"
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03-03-2010 19:35 by Lori
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There's a fleck on the speck on the tail On the frog on the bump on the branch On the log in the hole in the bottom of the sea.
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03-03-2010 19:31 by Peebs
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Pay no mind to those who speak behind your back. It just means that you are ahead of them.
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03-03-2010 19:18
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This bill collector called my house for the last time today. I told him just like it is... You call my house 1 more time and I'm taking your name out the hat. I put everybody's name in a hat, at the end of the week I draw a name and that's the one I pay.

changed the title of today from: Bill Paying Day to Check Writing Day. Yes, I am writing checks...but the bills are not necessarily gonna get paid. We'll see who posts them at the bank faster! Moooowahahahahaha
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03-03-2010 18:15 by Hot Tea
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..when people write "is ;-)" as their stat message,you tend to think,well,if I was ";-)" would I stop and write a stat update about it? Obviously you're not ";-)" very well.