Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   pays tribute to Mickey Mouse who will turn 82 years old this year. He's now the oldest rodent in show business, unless you count that thing on Donald Trump's head....

   saw a naked man running down his road. I rolled down the car window and asked "hey why are you running stark naked " to which the naked man replied "because you are home early....."

   now in subsmission to the power of great stupidity

   won't be drinking alone tonight.......the verizon network will be with with her!

   when love is in the air I put on my gas mask.

   Never hit a man with glasses! A baseball bat does the job MUCH better!

   Kentucky man wins 128 million dollar lottery. Says he will share winnings with his wife and sister. Lucky woman!

   They said the baby looked like me. Until they turned him the right way up.

   Just started the all donut diet, or as I like to call it, Glazed Anatomy.

   If you're happy, don't ask questions. Isn't that right ?

   dont cry because it is 0ver....smile because it happened..!!

   thinks playing COD with a laggy internet connection, is way harder than giving birth.

   Note to self, when meeting uncle Jack at the airport never scream "Hi Jack!!" ..again

   - Oh Facebook, you go through more Design Changes than I go through Women.

   Confucius he say, man who sit on tall toilet is high on pot...

   Why did some make a 'Piñata Endangerment Awareness' group on facebook??

   Friends teach you what you WANT to know. Enemies teach you what you NEED to know.

   I don't fail. I succeed at finding what doesn't work.

   There's a one-in six-billion chance that you'll find your soulmate. And that's if they're not dead

   Screwed-up people settle fights through violence. Screwed-up people start wars that could kill millions. Normal people settle fights through cookies, cakes, and pies. Normal people are fat.