Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Things happen for a reason... so when I reach over and smack you upside the head just remember..you gave me a reason!!!

   Facebook has stopped suggesting friends for me. I guess they finally realized I dont need to be friends with someone I saw that one time.

   has a way to end the Iraq war. Tonight, pack everything and leave. Tomorrow, when the world reacts, we act like we have no idea what they are talking about.

   if I was the type of person who's day was ruined just by seeing a certain someone, then my day would be ruined quite often.

   shoving crayons up her nose to brighten up her personality

   The signs of the hypocrite are three: when he speaks, he lies; when he makes a promise, he breaks it; and when he is entrusted with something, he betrays that trust.

   have a pheasant plucking day

   thinks there is nothing worse than accidently sitting on your reeses peanut butter cup at the beginning of your work shift.

   Censorship is █ very ██████ █████ in █████ ██████...

   realized my third grade teacher lied to me... I never use cursive...

   a master at mixed martial arts and crafts...

   singing , , , , , chameleon ♫♪ ♫♪ ♫♪

   I can't hear you over the sound of how Epic I am.

   has joined The Handsome Mens Club...

   If you can't be a good example, be a warning...

   statistically, 6 out of 7 midgets aren't happy...

   DONT YOU HATE THAT KID WHO REMINDS THE TEACHER ABOUT TESTS OR QUIZES....

   was anyone really surprised by Ricky Martin's coming out? I mean, it started when he was young...he was in the band Menudo, aka MEN - you - DO...

   Obama is not a brown-skinned anti-war socialist who gives away free healthcare. You're thinking of Jesus

   How can you tell if your chocolate Easter bunny is male or female? Bite it's head off. If it's hollow,it's a male.