Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Got a strange look from a 70 year old woman in bike pants/black socks/sandles. I'm afraid she might have heard me say, "Hello, future."

   I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you!

   crazy people are exhausting!

   So Noah from the Bulls looks grungy, apperently basketball is so easy a caveman can do it.

   thinking Robin Hood was a Democrat.

   Wondering if Google searches John Tesh for answers.

   going to make an app called Stephville that way people can gift me items that I need around the house.

   having a "Who the hell is Mel Kiper? My mailman knows more about the draft than he does." moment !

   you cant drink all day if you dont start in the morning

   loves nerds 2² ever...

   thinks movies are ruining books since 1920.

   I think video games ruined my life. Good thing I have two extra lives...

   thinks rock is dead. And paper killed it!

   not bitter. I'm just unsweetened...

   an organ donor (see inside for details)...

   will resist peer pressure. All the cool kids are doing it...

   was thrown out of a casino for misunderstanding the use of a crap table.

   all for the paperless office, but doesn't think it should stretch to the toilets...

   wondering why a “fat chance” and a “slim chance” mean the same thing.

   MOTORISTS: When going through a speed camera, flash your lights twice