Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It feels like we haven't seen each other in years Why don't you join me for a couple of beers clink cheers

   Terrance & Phillip should've really done the "lighting of the torch" during the Winter Olympics back then.....too late now.

   Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

   Ultimate space? Kiss my A$$!!!! Find a better way...losers!!!!

   i need you like a water needs tea bag. You make me stronger

   I've always wondered what would happen if I deleted my recycle bin...

   I can't help but wonder how police handcuff people with one arm?

   Dude! That cross-eyed girl at the bar is looking at you...... And me...

   I dont do jokes about the Spanish....... no way Jose!

   For a guy who isn't affected by gravity, I'm pretty down to earth

   Roses are #FF0000, violets are #0000FF

   Woman's Favorite Position is CEO.

   thinks the C.E.O. of B.P. should go to J.A.I.L.

   thinks that a bad thing about a good thing is that it comes to an end.

   drinking a full bottle of Nyquil, knowing that he is trading a cold for a hung over.

   Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.

   "Silence is Another name for my Pain."

   it's funny how social networking has made people more antisocial.

   tennis players have fuzzy balls!!!!

   why am I so popular that all the facebook viruses come to me?????