Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   saw an Indian asleep on the train, noticed the little red dot on his forehead, and thought, "Is he on standby?"

   developed a car that runs on water! Sadly, so far it only works with the water from the Gulf of Mexico

   noticed that piracy is killing the music industry. You try playing the guitar with a hook

   taking one beer at a time.

   has been asked to change his status regarding SATC2. Apparently PETA didn't take too well at me comparing Sarah Jessica Parker/Carrie to a horse. It was harsh on horses worldwide..... I am sorry......

   cleverly diguised as a responsible adult

   The lemonade in my new McDonalds Shrek glass tastes funny!

   Watching "bang for your buck" on hgtv not what I thought it was!

   my Halo is held up by my horns

   being burried alive...please help

   Has The Power To Make you read my status!! :D

   Where can I find what youse all is smoking in here?

   often thought that what doesn't kill us makes us drink stronger liquor.

   when a guy is sexting does he get a phoner?

   so awesome, that when I go swimming, dolphins appear.

   surviving this massive amount of "family time" by pretending they are mental patients and I'm their case manager.

   thinking of opening a drinking/gambling establishment and calling it Liquor Up Front, Poker in the Rear

   It was good to see the entire Chicagoland area come together around the Blackhawks. Watching the Cubs vs. Sox made me think... as much as it would disappoint me, I think the White Sox should leave Chicago and not come back. Its for unification.

   Suicide is away of telling God, You can't fire me I quit !!!!!

   pop pop popsicle.. ice ice icicle.. test test oh wait..