Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   making deposits into her buzz account...

   America is at war with al qaeda, but we're still losing the war against Al Sharpton!

   wondering why the phrase, "I`m not being rude" must always be followed by "but" ?

   Everything is funnier when you aren't allowed to laugh.

   I'm wondering why the phrase, "It's none of my business" must always be followed by, "but?"

   Went camping this weekend adn learned taht the longest journey begins with not looking at a map.

   Dear mother nature, now I know that last year when you made it rain for 40 days and 40 nights we had some words. This year if you ruin my summer again I might have to go against all of what I believe and choke a b***h!

   Obama's Ultimatum to BP: Clean Up Spill Or I Will Say A$$ Again

   HATES that the Gulf of Mexico has been BPeed on.

   Facebook Introduces New Oil Drilling Game, Spillville

   Oldest woman, 114, dies. Her last words: "Who the f#*k is Justin Beiber?"

   BP Says It Has Successfully Contained Flow of Information About Spill

   BP Spewing More Lies Than Originally Estimated

   BP Divides Gulf of Mexico into Full Service, Self Service

   Kids can't read the Bible in school, but are encouraged to read it in prison. Maybe if we allowed them to read it in school, they might never end up in prison.

   Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.

   "Government is like a baby: An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other."

   Just because a path is well traveled does not mean it is the right way.

   What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.

   why do some people insist on writing out their check even when the cashier says its electronic withdrawal and they'll get their check back instantly, and theres a long line... waiting??