Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I would like to publicly apologize to the Taco Bell lady for interrupting her texting session by trying to place an order. Also for trying to place the entire order for 1, at one time, because since she was texting is was hard to concentrate on what I was

   I love doing laundry! I love doing laundry! I love doing laundry! I love doing laundry! Nope, it's just not working...

   I am known for my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work twice as hard when I'm around.

   Just when the mind found the answers, the heart changed the question...

   I choose to be different because being normal is boring.

   wonders why when you are eating Starburst and ask someone if they would like one, they always want a "red" one?

   out cow died so we don't need your bull

   My friend pointed out the other day, that the book/film "New Moon" is bassically just one girls choice between Beastiality, or Necrophilia... hope that gives you ladies out there a little perspective on "romance."

   if "Fe" on the periodic table of the elements is iron, does that make females iron males?

   Bad friends are like my cum. Sometimes they get in your face. Sometimes they won't get out of your hair....and sometimes they're all up in your a$$!

   Wingnut- Definition of a person that calls another individual a wingnut. Get over it!

   Iron Man is a superhero. Iron Woman is a command.

   You ever seen somebody so damn ugly the government should transfer their birthday to Halloween??....Yeah, me too.

   - I was just about to nail some shelves to the wall.....Then I thought, screw it....

   Tap, tap, tap,..is this thing on?. If it is all the same to you guys, can we skip right past Baseball season and move right on up to Football? Just a thought...

   When nothing goes right....go left.

   I think its high time we let our freak flags fly..... :)~

   I never make the same mistake twice... I like to fill my day with a wide variety of mistakes from a large number of sources... :)~

   Apparently a vacation is more important than honoring our fallen soldiers at Arlington....But don't worry, Obama will be back in DC next week to rub elbows with his celebrity friends as they honor Paul McCartney's many accomplishments. Jerk!

   I wonder if Snoop Dogs favorite kind of weather is drizzle?