Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   there is so many fun things to do at home that alot of people don't really think about doing but would if they were told about it.. Sitting in Hot tub and playing wii at the same time is one of them."

   I don't see why people are so against gay marriage. I don't have a problem with it. Their main argument is that gay marriage would tear the social fabric. Do you think gays would do anything to harm fabric?

   I don't know why the FCC is always complaining about sex on tv. A little sex on tv never hurt anyone.....unless you fall off.

   Imagine how huge those Japanese Facebook albums must be...

   sneezing + taking a leak + Morning wood= one big mess

   the reason you're afraid of the dark...

   I'm a lesbian and i'm ok. A butch all night and a femme all day.

   Getting older sucks, I used to wake up feeling like a million bucks, but now its more like a bounced check.

   Here is a great way to manage people; look for the good in them and then tell them about it.

   Living the dream........if the dream was about doing laundry.

   I married my wife for her looks.But not the ones she's been giving me lately!

   just realised the phrase is "in with hate...out with love" I thought it was the other way....no wonder I have no friends left!

   the more reasons you hvae for achieving your goal,the more determined you will become

   Australian scientists are releasing photos of never before seen deep sea creatures.In related news, BP is releasing photos of never to be seen again sea creatures.

   Starbucks is a terrible place to meet women. Everytime you buy them a drink they get more and more...alert......and talkative.

   The liquor store advertised.. We De-Liver

   lmaoshmsfoaidmt = laughing my ass off so hard my sombrero fell off and I dropped my taco

   behind every great man is a woman, and behind that woman is another woman....... And another woman....... And another woman.... And another

   cutting I'm cutting the sleeves off my Snuggie because it makes me look cool and after all it's summer.

   Forget the damn past. Remember the lesson.