Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   According to some magazine, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low...Well, sure, it's hard to steal a car when the owner's living in it...

   Has come to the conclusion that fruit-loops are just gay cheerios. =)

   wished mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.

   hates when I wake up late for work and get ready in a hurry, then you realize its your day off. : (

   Acting as if today is Saturday. Going to work unshaved, no shower, in shorts and a T, full cooler of beer as my brief case, and the attitude of "don't bother me, it's Saturday".

   Meanwhile, at the BP command center ... *cricket* *Cricket*

   She said no booty calls. Well this calls for some head!

   as confused as a hungry infant in a topless bar.

   sending more mixed signals than a dyslexic, third-base coach.

   just got barred from Bunnings. This arrogant prick in a red apron in the timber aisle just asked me if I wanted decking. Lucky I got the first punch in!

   loves a man in uniform, unless he's in my rearview mirror.

   If your phone doesn't ring, you'll know it's me.

   if someone sends me one more Farmville invite, I will banish your animals to a galaxy far, far away and set fire to your crops.

   How come when you open a can of evaporated milk, it's still there?

   contemplating becoming schizophrenic, but is in two minds about it.

   thinks that time flies when you're having a drunken blackout.

   kinda likes ceilings. Maybe I'll become a fan.

   taking a leak of faith..after this 2 and a half hr movie - Inception..

   going to name her next pet Peeve.

   thinks the biggest similarity between a Gynaecologist and a Pizza delivery boy is that they both can smell what's in the box.. however they can't sample it!!