Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If at first you don't succeed, wait a third of your life and look him/her up on Facebook.

   One thing I learned about a vacation you drive to…. my GPS has a female voice and would make the perfect wife… it sits quietly in the car, never complains about my driving, and when it has something to say - it says something useful.

   You know what I like to do on Facebook? Answer my own questions.

   wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I'm awesome.

   Be more concerned about your character than about your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think of you.

   Some days I just feel like the token black guy.

   A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car!

   I've used up all my sick days, so tomorrow I'm calling in dead. lol

   if your happy and you know it click you "like".........

   Fantasia over doses on asprin, called a home wrecker by cheating with a married mand and even made a sex tape... FINALLY, a celebrity sex tape I will not watch HAHAHA!!

   Amazon always recommends me the things I bought, I mean dude why would I want the same or similar thing again

   Go ahead 'like' my day!

   I hate it when someone text me to call them, then when you call they never answer

   Life is full of secrets and lies, so when you get screwed over, don't act surprised.

   Life will always be like a roller coaster ride! Make sure your seatbelt is fastened and hold on tight because its full of thrills, screams, chills, fear, excitement, tears, laughter, joy, anxiety, and the will to do it all over again! "Life I tell ya!"

   The one thing I hate about touch screen phones is the fact that you'll find yourself wiping them more then your ass.

   Sometimes I wish I could just fast-forward through time, just to see if it's all worth it in relationship that we have..

   Facebook is the ultimate weapon of couples' distraction and relationships' destruction

   Ya think Vampires eat Tampons like Cotton Candy????

   If you saw me in the back of a police car, what would you assume put me there?