Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Daffy Duck calls the hotel desk and asks for a condom. They ask "shall we put it on your bill", she says "are you thucking thupid i'll thuffocate!"......

   When things go wrong as they usually will and your daily road seems all uphill, when funds are low and debts are high, when you try to smile but can only cry. when you really feel like you should quit, don't call me, I don't give a S#@t.

   havin octopus for dinner tonight :)

   We're not old people we're recycled teenagers!!!!!

   The angle of the dangle is inversely proportional to the heat of the meat.

   Sky-diving: good til the last drop.

   POVERTY: Having too much month left at the end of the money.

   Schizophrenia beats being alone.

   Blow your mind -- smoke gunpowder.

   Obviously the only rational solution to your problem is suicide.

   If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

   The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.

   I think I drink too much... my liver is so shriveled, black and dead, if you put your ear up to it you can hear Gary Coleman.

   i don't always drink beer but when I do I prefer to get wasted

   Quick!! Someone make a status update about tomorrow being Monday and how you're already counting down the days until the weekend is here...

   Welcome to my world:-)...Oh yeah, I forgot..your not in it..:-/

   I miss ___________. I rather not mention you b/c your not worth mentioning :-)

   Status Unavailable. Please Try Again Later.

   Last night I had an epifanny....I realized I couldn't spell.

   Tried to order at McDonald's today, couldn't understand her. So I started poking her forehead with my finger, I was trying to push 1 for English.