Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5761 of 6374
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wondering why Dora never tells her parents about the fox that keeps stalking her."
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I caught myself updating my Facebook status in my sleep & I think I actually would've posted it if the rumble strips on the highway didn't wake me up first.
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07-19-2010 23:34 by Vito
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Some couples hold hands because theyre afraid that if they let go theyd kill each other
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07-19-2010 23:15
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woke up in the morning feeling like P Diddy
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07-19-2010 22:40 by Uche617
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If I was a bird, I know who I'd s**t on first...
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07-19-2010 22:23 by BEGO
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“Even in a happy relationship, it's seems to be possible to have a wandering eye or even crave affection from another person.
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Get a backbone and say NO if you don't want to do something, ignoring calls and texts is a cowards way out. Grow a pair!!!
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07-19-2010 22:08 by bach
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A woman should know how to look like a girl, how to act like a lady, how to think like a man." :)
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07-19-2010 22:03 by BEGO
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wants you to know that Alcohol is Never the answer. Unless, of course, the question is "What is C2H5OH?"
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07-19-2010 21:57 by Felesar
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I swear Idiots are like the Air ...they're everywhere..
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07-19-2010 21:49 by BEGO
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I propose that Jesus must have been a Zombie. Lets look at the facts: He came back from the dead, He wants you drink his blood and also eat his flesh so that you have ever lasting life. Or maybe... a vampire-zombie? Hmm... futher study is needed.
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07-19-2010 21:39 by Tracy
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tHInks pEOPle WHo TyPE LikE thiS aRe retARDed.
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07-19-2010 21:28 by BEGO
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Zaa Zaa Gabor is doing well after her hip replacement surgury. The hip was donated by the Museum of Natural History
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07-19-2010 21:18
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Golfer oosthuizen has won the British Open. In his honor, his name will be used in the last round of the next National Spelling Bee.
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07-19-2010 21:16
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never, ever, ever under any circumstances take a laxative and sleeping pill on the same night
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07-19-2010 21:13
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Life has no damn remote....get up and change it yourself!
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07-19-2010 20:58 by BEGO
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I am perfectly blithe to chortle at you bourgeios addlepates who pontificate nascent verbiage to seem shrewd. Guess what, you fecal matter is odoriferous.
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07-19-2010 20:57
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At the end of the rainbow, there's no pot of gold. It's just cornflakes.
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07-19-2010 20:22
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You've been backstabbed, rejected, unwanted, abandoned, betrayed, tricked, lied to, ridiculed, cheated on, heartbroken, defeated, and said NO to all your life...Did it kill you? Of course not...just made you stronger. USE IT.
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07-19-2010 19:56 by Danmanz
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Doesn't matter how you find the gold, as long as you beat the leprechaun to it
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07-19-2010 18:26
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