Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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I accidentally swallowed a bunch of lego pieces. I'm just wondering if I'm gonna sh*t a brick tomorrow..
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When going through airport customs and you are asked "Do you have any firearms with you?" do not reply "why, what do you need?"
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I decide which beer to drink on a case by case basis.
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07-22-2010 22:15 by Joser
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I just got back from a mile long walk in your shoes and I still think you're a douche bag
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I should shake this guy's hand, but I don't want to put down my beer, and honestly, I've known the beer at least 5 minutes longer.
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Being out of shape takes the pressure off at the gym. When that pretty girls winks in your direction, you can be sure it's the toned guy behind you.
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07-22-2010 21:48
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Wish you were here w/me n my room, on my bed, lights off, under my sheets. So that I can show you my new watch dat glows n da dark!
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no those pants don't make you look fat, it's your ass that makes you look fat.
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07-22-2010 21:31
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Do ducks play "me, me, goose"?
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I've been poor and happy and now I'm ready to be rich and miserable. Gimme!
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I've never been to jail, but I did get stuck in a pair of skinny jeans at an American Eagle once.
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$3.88 until my Visa is maxed out. I'm struggling between the #4 at Burger King or shampoo.
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The more I think about the lack of thought I put into thinking makes me wonder what was I thinking.
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How many times do I have to roll my eyes to burn any calories?
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thanx to my ex GF,I now have to shave between eyebrows because "stupid me" let her wax there one nite for sh*ts and giggles
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07-22-2010 20:53 by twizzler
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I tried the Facebook Friend Finder and it showed me all the people who deleted me, I think its a tad bit faulty or should be renamed!
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07-22-2010 20:38
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I feel like I hit rock bottom...bouncer at the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night.
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07-22-2010 19:57
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thinks rap promotes punching, boastfulness, and disrespect toward ho's.
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07-22-2010 19:44
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she's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice..yup, I'd still hit it
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07-22-2010 19:41
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the only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
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07-22-2010 19:34
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