Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5733 of 6384
I'm a cool dad, that's my thang. I'm hip, I surf the web, I text. LOL: laugh out loud, OMG: oh my god, WTF: why the face
Barbie has an awful lot of nice things for a girl whose knees do not bend.
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08-02-2010 17:27 by KEN
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I recently met my good friend's dad. All I could think while shaking his hand was, “Gross, my friend came from this guy's balls.” I'm pretty sure it's thoughts like these that separate me from the general public.
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08-02-2010 17:25 by McFly
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Facebook is like a fridge. When you're bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there's anything good in it.
Just heard that Snooki was picked up by police for disorderly conduct.. apparently she was caught "orange-handed"
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08-02-2010 16:11 by jdpower
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It's only 9AM and today is already filled with suck.
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08-02-2010 16:00
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never make someone a priority in your life when you are only any option
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08-02-2010 15:49
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our lives are shaped by those who love us, and by those who refuse to love us
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08-02-2010 15:48
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who you love is a reflection of how you love yourself...
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08-02-2010 15:45
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currently kicking a hornet's nest. (i have a feeling this gonna end badly)
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08-02-2010 14:05
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Do homeless people get knock knock jokes???
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08-02-2010 13:57 by geez
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Huh?! Me fail english? UNPOSSIBLE!!
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08-02-2010 11:45
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No one is as ugly as his driver's license, nor as good-looking as his Facebook profile pic.
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08-02-2010 11:19
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I predict that if, by 21 December 2012, the world doesn't end, there will be a huge baby boom in September 2013.
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08-02-2010 10:57 by bigedusw
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things that last longer than a Rick Pitino sexual encounter: 16 second Abs, a Soulja Boy Mix tape, a knock-knock joke, a lap at the Indy 500, a stop light, Brett Favre's retirement, a game of Tippy Cup, an NBA shot clock, Usain Bolt running 200 meters...
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08-02-2010 10:55 by elsparty
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I think I want a 3D bigscreen, now I just need 3 grand....
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08-02-2010 10:29 by Bill
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I choose my outfit with great care every day, because if today is the day I become a zombie, these are the clothes I'll be wearing forever.
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08-02-2010 08:40 by CS
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has thrown games of "Hangman" to intentionally kill that guy.
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08-02-2010 07:58 by Leeferd
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Some slut I know posted her Facebook status as "I've just had my period." At first, I thought "Shut up, we don't need to know that. How disgusting." Then I realized it was quite funny as all the dudes she has slept with recently all "liked" it.
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08-02-2010 07:31
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If a man won't lift a finger to see you & spend time with u, it's time for you to lift 5 fingers & wave goodbye!
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08-02-2010 06:59 by SUPA SAM
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