Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5725 of 6384
in the frozen food section at Sam's looking for horny milfs with erect nipples
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08-05-2010 20:45 by levon
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IRISH and PROUD!
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08-05-2010 18:10 by SLAYER
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I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people
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08-05-2010 17:54
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FYI: Do not buy Activia yogurt if you do not need it for the reasons advertised. Not even if it's on sale and you have a $1 coupon and it's double coupon daze at the store...unless you like stabbing abdominal pains and blaming lots of stuff on the dog.
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08-05-2010 16:53
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have you ever notice that Chris Brown, Usher, Nelly and 55 Cent look exactly like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles???
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08-05-2010 16:36 by Adi
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If Facebook really wanted to shake things up, they would introduce a thumbs-down "hate" button.
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08-05-2010 15:45
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In case you were wondering, this is how you say "bite my shiny metal ass" in Italian: "baciate il mio scintillante fondoschiena metallico..."
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08-05-2010 15:12
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Am I the only one who finds that Knock-Knock jokes are funnier when they're told to homeless people?
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08-05-2010 14:59
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Wonder if being a parcel delivery person has its UPS and downs.
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08-05-2010 14:57
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We need less work days & more snack days....
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08-05-2010 14:21
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if Julia Gillard and Tony Abbott went sailing together, and the boat capsized, who would be saved? Australia.
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08-05-2010 14:08 by proxy
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I wish Brett Favre would stop texting me photos of himself. The guy is getting out of control.
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08-05-2010 13:59 by JC
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thinks there should be a Shart Week!
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08-05-2010 13:15 by gb
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On the Electrician's Truck... "Let Us Remove Your Shorts"
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08-05-2010 12:49 by Aaron
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Have you ever wondered if the one dollar bills in your wallet were ever in a stripper's butt crack? If not, you're wondering now. Have a nice day ..
Washing my face, eyes are closed and the cat rubs against my legs. First thought: "SHARK!!!" Second thought: "No more Discovery Channel before bed!"
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08-05-2010 12:01
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business must be getting better. I noticed on my last check the government gave itself a raise.
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08-05-2010 11:29
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A good way to save face is to keep the lower half shut.
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08-05-2010 11:26
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They found the gene that causes shyness. They would have found it sooner, but it was hiding behind some other genes.
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08-05-2010 11:25
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I'm not opposed to gay marriage.... I saw two women kissing in public the other day and I thought “man, that takes balls!”
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08-05-2010 11:24
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