Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5710 of 6384
She has a body built like Pikachu
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08-12-2010 09:58
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I'm not afraid of killing c0ckroaches. It's the fear of his friends and family's plan to avenge his murder while I sleep, that haunts me.
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08-12-2010 08:38
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The dude who invented the high-five must've been left hangin like 90 percent of the time that first year.
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08-12-2010 08:34
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I literally saw someone get a tattoo of a camel on their toe.
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08-12-2010 08:33
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When cops do that thing where they park side by side in an empty parking lot and talk for hours, that means they're in love, right?
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08-12-2010 08:32
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Just got my jury duty check. Time to cash this bad boy and rock the sh*t out of the dollar store! Woooo!
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08-12-2010 08:31
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Early map makers were mostly men, which explains why Florida was usually drawn about 3 inches longer than its actual size.
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08-12-2010 08:30
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Pretty soon superheroes are going to be wearing underpants with my picture on them.
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08-12-2010 08:28
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Drinking beer doesn't make you fat, It makes you lean .... against bars, tables, chairs, and poles.
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08-12-2010 08:28
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Sometimes I sit at a green light not because I'm not paying any attention, but because I'm curious if the car behind me has a custom horn.
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08-12-2010 08:26
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There's no one I relate to less than my relatives.
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08-12-2010 08:24
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Sometimes I'll text random numbers with things like "Have you ever taken a poop so good it gave you goosebumps?"
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08-12-2010 08:23
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Waitress: "Do you have any questions about the menu?" Me: " Yes, What kind of font is this?"
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08-12-2010 08:22
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I'm debating on a new career path, but can't decide if I would make a better professional thumb wrestler or butt model.
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08-12-2010 08:21
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When somebody says "I'm really bad with directions," that translates to me as "I'm too stupid to read road signs."
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08-12-2010 08:20
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I wonder how we really know that hard work never killed anybody, when the only reliable witness may be dead?
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08-12-2010 08:18
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I'm pretty tired of these kids running lemonade stands acting like they've never even heard of vodka before.
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08-12-2010 08:16
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If at first you don't succeed, wait a third of your life and look him/her up on Facebook.
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08-12-2010 08:14
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One thing I learned about a vacation you drive to…. my GPS has a female voice and would make the perfect wife… it sits quietly in the car, never complains about my driving, and when it has something to say - it says something useful.
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08-12-2010 08:14 by Thierry
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You know what I like to do on Facebook? Answer my own questions.
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08-12-2010 08:13
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