Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5697 of 6384
O Friday, O Friday! wherefore art thou Friday? Deny thy other weekdays and refuse thy work hours. Or if thou wilt not, just hurry up and get here already.
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08-16-2010 16:34
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Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart," all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart."
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08-16-2010 15:52
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I will give you 2 seconds to figure out that you have the right of way before I take it from you.
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08-16-2010 15:50
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I wonder if the psycho hitchhiker ever gets picked up by the psycho driver. Now there's a movie I'd pay to see.
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08-16-2010 15:48
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The worst feeling in the world is when you are in the middle of a good story and realize no one is listening to you.
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08-16-2010 15:46
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I love bald men with no dress sense that make me feel bad about myself....I swear I will marry one...ok?
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08-16-2010 15:45
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It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor as long as you have money.
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08-16-2010 15:43
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Just when you think you've finally hit the bottom, someone tosses you a shovel.
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08-16-2010 15:42
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Whenever I ask "Why me?... a voice always says, "So, who else did you have in mind?"
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08-16-2010 15:41
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the one they are referring to when they say "there's one in every crowd..."
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08-16-2010 15:37
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Some of you make impulsive, poorly thought out decisions. We should hang out more.
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08-16-2010 15:36
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I'm wondering what kind of loser spends Thursday night drinking and bragging about it on Facebook? Anyway, I'm totally drunk.
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08-16-2010 15:34
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Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.
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08-16-2010 15:31
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There's something about the Smart Car that makes me want to beat it up and take it's lunch money.
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08-16-2010 15:31
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Apparently "some assembly required" is IKEA for "here's a pine tree and some nails."
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08-16-2010 15:30
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You know what is the difference between promises and memories? We break promises, whereas memories break us.
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08-16-2010 15:29
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"Side effects may include constipation or diarrhea." So what you're saying is I may or may not give a sh*t.
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08-16-2010 15:28
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I love it when the one actually insane person in the office says, "call me crazy, but.." Because we totally DO!
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08-16-2010 15:27
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Nothing pisses me off like a bird WALKING across a street. No it's cool. I'll wait. BTW You can FLY dumb@ss!
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08-16-2010 15:26
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Making a pot of coffee so I can get ready to go out and have coffee.
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08-16-2010 15:25
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