Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5691 of 6384
my ex is a nob...he wears womens pants....he looks like Peter Griffin and his new girlfriend is council estate trash!....well it makes me laugh anyway!
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08-18-2010 17:17
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Old McDonald was dyslexic, o.i.e.i.e
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08-18-2010 16:10 by Adrian
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My wife said I was gaining weight....I said " Duhhhh ! " ..... I used to be 8lbs, 6 ozs
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08-18-2010 15:33 by blah
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not here for your sexual fantasies
An auto-flush urinal made me feel insecure about my manhood by flushing while I was peeing, as if to say "nothing registers as being there."
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08-18-2010 15:22 by Aaron
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I may not know karate but I do know crazy.
Some people find themselves spending more time on their ex's FB page more then they spent time on their ex period.
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08-18-2010 14:10 by Danmanz
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Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal? Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
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08-18-2010 13:54 by jack
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I got so drunk last night I thought a tube of toothpaste was astronaut food.
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08-18-2010 12:46
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Following a successful off-season surgery, Favre appears ready to return for his 20th NFL season.... lobotomies must heal fairly quickly.
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08-18-2010 12:40 by Shamus
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Following a successful off-season surgery, Favre appears ready to return for his 20th NFL season.... lobotomies must heal fairly quickly.
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08-18-2010 12:39 by Shamus
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don't take to heart anything I say. My opinions are just that...MY opinions. Nothing I say can be set in stone, besides I don't even own a chisel.
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08-18-2010 10:58
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went to Benjamin Moore and learned that her skin color is Pueblo Sand. Which is too bad, because we're in a race war with the people who are Classic Taupe.
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08-18-2010 10:28 by CS
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People are busting my balls because I still have a landline. I can't get rid of it though because it matches my abacus....
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08-18-2010 10:13 by Tom
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Don't interfere with anything in the Constitution. That must be maintained, for it is the only safeguard of our liberties. Abraham Lincoln
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08-18-2010 10:09
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Just spent several minutes looking at photos of Gwyneth Paltrow in a bikini. Now I'm going to cure cancer...
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08-18-2010 10:07 by Tom
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A woman is the only thing I am afraid of that I know will not hurt me. Abraham Lincoln
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08-18-2010 10:06
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It would be amazing if hyenas could watch a bunch of '80's films and start to employ the slow clap when being particularly derisive...
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08-18-2010 10:04 by Tom
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A rolling stone gathers no moss, and that's the last time I hire Keith Richards to do my landscaping...
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08-18-2010 10:03 by Tom
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I gave up smoking,I gave up drinking,I try to exercise,I try to eat right......apparently this means I will live longer but the trouble is I am boreeeeed
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08-18-2010 10:02
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