Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5675 of 6384
The best part of watching an actor on an environmental crusade is when he gets on his private plane.
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08-23-2010 17:18 by jdpower
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it just me or does the friend finder on facebook seem alittle sketchy!
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08-23-2010 16:59
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those bootyshorts really compliment your tiger stripes
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08-23-2010 16:32 by LYZ
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if you make her laugh she likes you , if you make her cry she loves you , if you make her drunk she puts out Lmao
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08-23-2010 16:01
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that moment you wake up from a drunk night and ure scared to look at ur facebook statuses.
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08-23-2010 14:54 by ashley
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Would like to give a big shout out to people that are hard of hearing.
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08-23-2010 14:48
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Don't break anyone's heart , they have only one.... Break their bones , they have 206 of them
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08-23-2010 14:41
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My favorite tactic is reverse .ygolohcysp
At the Edinburgh Festival Fringe this year,this was voted as the best one-liner :"I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.". Those Scots. What a hilarious bunch they are.
Why don't refrigerators have a milk dispenser next to the water in the door? You could just hold your cereal bowl under it and push the button.
If you don't like music, you're probably deaf.
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08-23-2010 13:15
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Me refering to my buddy's newborn baby: He's so tiny... Him: You should see the balls on him.
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08-23-2010 13:14 by MBH
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I'm shocked at the amount of condoms old ladies buy the moment they leave their shopping carts unattended.
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08-23-2010 13:12
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If you're going to tell people the truth, you better make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you...
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08-23-2010 13:11 by MBH
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I saw a guy today that had a bedazzled cell phone. I thought it was kinda gay..... but then thought he might have stolen the phone and he might be a thug. The whole thing confused me.
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08-23-2010 12:52 by jdpower
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Just got back from visiting the future, was disapointed you weren't there. Can't go into details, but please stay away from revolving doors, and bean dip.
Thanks for the sticker on your car telling me to remember 9/11. While you're at it, why not tell me to remember when my parents got divorced, when my dog died, and when my ex cheated on me.
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08-23-2010 11:36
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...Justin Bieber is new spokesperson for Proactiv. No wonder he has his hair combed forward. His forehead must look like Courtney Love's ass.
When a cat sees a sandbox, he must feel like a human viewing a 50 ft. toilet.
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08-23-2010 10:08 by Tom
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Wonder if Southern Belles say "I do declare" a lot when they're doing their taxes.
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08-23-2010 10:05 by Tom
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